You Look Like The Songs

At this very moment I am so completely blown away by my God's decision to pour out favor upon my life, despite the absolute crappy job I've done serving Him. 

I mean, as a person I need serious work. I always tend towards pessimism and impatience. My polite friends say I'm a realist, but I know what I am. I'm sarcastic, crabby, and ill-tempered. 

The majority of the time I get absorbed with self-pity, self-centerdness, self-loathing, and self-righteousness. My eyes stray from the Prize so very often. Just look at me now, I'm happy and excited when things are going well for me. 

And yet 

LOOK AT WHAT THE LORD HAS DONE IN MY LIFE!

Why?!?!??! One reason alone: I am His. 

With as weak as my heart has been at times, I know the God I serve, and I clung to this hope, which I will repeat one more time: 

Sometimes what comes easily for others, God reserves and holds back for a supernatural revelation of His glory. Hallelujah!!!! Would I ever wish to trade this testimony? Never!!!

Our Father delights in pouring out His favor on His children. There is nothing any of us can do to earn it. It is a gift. And if this is how much He loves me, with the darkest parts of my heart completely exposed to Him, He must be aching to see His love be made complete. To see as many of His children as possible rejoicing in His name. He wants to see you abounding and overwhelmed with joy. 

OUR GOD WANTS US TO ENJOY HIM!!!! To enjoy the blessings He gives us. To enjoy our time on Earth, and then have a rad party when we go home. 

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"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." 

                              ---John Piper

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I've been belting this song out all day:

Dreams Don't Turn To Dust

I want to be...

Kind instead of harsh

Loving instead of judgmental

Passionate instead of passive

Resolute instead of vagrant

Generous instead of greedy

Secure instead of vain

Hopeful instead of bleak

Tender instead of brash

Open instead of closed off

Steadfast instead of fickle

l   Post title inspiration: "Dreams Don't Turn To Dust"  -Owl City  l

We Share a Name, We Share a Wonder

I've had a bit of a mini-revelation start forming in my mind over the last few days/weeks. There's a book I really want to start reading called Sacred Marriage, and the tag line sums up exactly what I've been thinking/feeling for a while now:

The idea started to bloom in my mind when I was in a worship service several weeks ago now. Our marriage had been at a really rough point for a few months, and to be honest I was completely at the end of my rope. I had been sick and I was exhausted emotionally and physically. Both Steve and I had really been struggling with sin problems and were fighting constantly. 

I literally heard the Lord speak these words directly into my heart:

"Your marriage isn't about your loyalty to your husband.  

It's about your loyalty to ME." 

Man alive---that changed my entire attitude. Taking that a step further, any opposition to that is directly caused by sin nature and the influence of the Enemy.  

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

Satan wants to steal the joy out of my life and my marriage. He wants to kill the love and destroy the hope for a future. And more than anything, He wants to separate me from intimacy with the Lord. This makes me angry. Bloody angry. 

When I consider that everything marriage-related is directly related to my relationship with the Lord it makes me want to selflessly submit to my husband with love, respect, and ((most of all)) kindness. 

I have a feeling I'm not done with this revelation. 

Stay tuned for a possible sequel. 

l   Post title inspiration: "Colors"  -The Rocket Summer   l

We Live and We Learn, Crash and We Burn

-- Questions concerning beauty and what it is. --

I wonder if you're pretty when you're not all done up?

Beneath the makeup and the pinned up hair?

Without the heals and the high fashion,

Is there really anything beautiful there?

Do you have a heart of gold? 

Do you care for the widow, the orphan, the voiceless?

Or has virtue grown old?

Is compassion a trend that is so last year?

Do I really believe that beauty is a matter of the soul?

Or have I let myself be defined by this plastic world?

If charm is deceptive am I the biggest fraud of them all?

Why do we grasp at straws to hold onto something that is so quickly fleeting?

Is what I see the mirror the same picture 

That the Lord sees when He looks at my heart? Or worse? 

How long have I allowed vanity to reign as victor?

Where to start cutting through the vines?

If I come to you Lord, will You weed through them for me?

Can I come to you broken and be made into something glorious?

Is it possible to move past all this intentional injury?

To forsake all others and find worth in You alone? 

l   Post title inspiration: "Hide Nothing"  -Further Seems Foreverl

Something To Believe In

Wild Child

If I were a wildflower 

You would know precisely where I was.

You would walk to my exact location, 

bend down, and pluck me out of the ground.

You would examine me, 

declare that I am beautifully 

and wonderfully made,

place me in Your pocket and 

continue Your stroll. 

I would not question Your choice. 

I would not list my endless flaws, 

nor would I compare myself with 

the other flowers You have made.

 I would know that a wildflower is supposed 

to be unique and possess a distinctive beauty 

all their own.

But I am not a wildflower. 

I am a person. A woman. A girl.

I fail to recognize that it is 

You who has sought after me.

You, who has designed me and who delights in me.

You, who has picked me up, 

placed me in Your pocket 

and declared that I am Your's. 

He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me. 2 Samuel 22:20

The LORD delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love. Psalm 147:11

 l   Post title inspiration: "Something To Believe In" 

- The Ramones   l

Small Seeds Gracefully Do Grow

For my beloved Gram. 

Light My Way

The other night the Lord gave me a neat word picture I would like to share: I was praying for a friend of mine, praying that the Lord would focus on her, shine His love upon her and directly connect with her heart, like a beam of light focusing from afar. The word “spotlight” came to mind and it perfectly describes what I meant; I couldn’t help but think on it a bit more.

      I.     Light gives heat, especially focused light, such as a spotlight. One of the best feelings in the world is to lay out in the sun and feel it’s warmth. That’s what it feels like to bask in the Lord’s love. It is freeing, releasing, comforting and peaceful. Satisfying and breathtaking. I want everyone to experience the joy this brings, and this is what I was originally praying about for my friend.

    II.     A spotlight is impossible to miss. I want the Lord to be real and powerful in my friend’s life in a way she has never known.

  III.     A spotlight gives distinct focus and direction. It is God-to-person. His love, focusing intently on a specific individual. 

 IV.      Light allows things to melt.  A dish of butter set in direct sunlight will begin to soften, just as a hardened heart begins to soften when the Lord’s love is fixed upon it.

   V.     Light brings sight. Some imperfections are difficult to see unless analyzed underneath a light. Sin goes unnoticed when we are walking in the darkness, but when the Lord shines His light, we are able to see. Even our smaller inconsistencies, like a bad attitude or unwise choices, are pointed out when we are put under the spotlight. Sometimes we need to pray that the Lord will shed light on these areas that we remain blind to.

I like when the Lord gives me a specific phrase to pray to Him because, frankly, it cuts out me having to find ways to explain it. It sounds lazy but since He knows our thoughts anyway it makes sense to me to have certain code words with Him so I can just cut to the chase. From now on I will see a person, or think of someone I want to pray for and simply be able to say “spotlight” and He will know what I mean: shine Your love into their life. I think I may even dedicate a “spotlight” page in the journal for a list of people to consistently pray for the Lord’s impact.

On a slightly similar note, lately I've been looking at modern lighting fixtures for the dining room in our soon-to-be new house. Is this not the most beautiful pendant light you  have ever seen in your life?

Is $200 too much to spend on a lighting fixture? Because I need it.

Spirit, Take Me Up In Arms With You

That's my very favorite Switchfoot lyric, and, if you may not have noticed, all my blog titles---ever---are lyrics. This one so perfectly describes my relationship with the Lord right now.

Lately He has been showing me a lot about contentedness, and how to enjoy each minute. So many days I am in a rush to get through the day, week, month, season. I'm always looking into the future and thinking about what I'll do for God then. Over and over lately He has been showing me that bringing glory to His name is what I do here and now. Relevant Magazine featured an article this past month about God's will for our lives and how we get so caught up in the "What's God's will for my life?" question that we forget to live for Him in the present. Here's an excerpt:

It really makes me breath a deep, refreshing sigh of relief. 

"But godliness with contentment is great gain." 1st Tim 6:6

One of my all-time favorite books is Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper. I first read it about 6 years ago and it's one of those books that I can pick up again and again and find new relevance to. It seriously transformed the way I view Christianity. The Lord wants us to enjoy Him. What a gracious, generous God we serve, that we are encouraged to live life to the fullest by the means of diving deeper into His presence and the manifestation of His glory. When I consider this I am so content living a modest life doing meager things in order to saturate myself in Him. 

The other pivotal thing the book taught me was that almost everything we do can be an act of worship. From work to play to enjoying nature, to eating to physical relations with our spouse. Yes I went there. The Lord is the Creator of our senses and He is to be magnified when we appreciate them in the matter of which He has intended, exclamation point, exclamation point!

"The Lord is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." (DWYL)

A few moments that I enjoyed today: 

1.) A very delicious cup of soup in my new Caribou mug.

2.) The companionship of my husband and the way he looks at me with adoration I know I don't deserve. 

3.) The first day of near 60 degree weather!

4.) Quiet moments at night like this one.

5.) Finding the perfect gift for a friend and the anticipation of her reaction, even if I have to wait 4 months to give it to her.

6.) Going to work after a day off and feeling glad to be back and grateful that I missed it after just one day.

7.) Excitement over a dinner party tomorrow and spending time with friends over yummy food.

8.) Finally finding a few houses on the market in our price range that are structurally sound and move-in ready.

I hope that over the next few months I will be able to identify more and more the little victories each day that the Lord has gifted me with. I want to cultivate a grateful heart.

Here's My Hand Not Words Said Desperatly

Last summer when I was in South Africa, I found myself sitting in a bus on my way to Durban. Next to me was seated a very beautiful Indian woman (Durban has a huge population of Indian people since they are just across the Indian ocean). The woman was on the phone and was clearly upset.

After hanging up the phone, and what felt like an eternity of me debating if I should say something, I asked her if I could pray for her. She started crying and told me all about the situation. She then asked me how it is possible to forgive someone who has wronged you repeatedly. This spurred a discussion about beliefs and the woman told me she was Hindu. I listened intently as she told me all about her life, how she was engaged to a white South African who came from a 'christian' background and he wanted to raise their children the same way. She then asked me something I still don't have an answer for. She asked me how she could simply switch gods. I was taken aback. Before I had time to mull over what she said she started talking about how she "knows that they're all the same, but I just feel like I would be betraying my Hindu god by starting to pray to yours".

What do you say to that?

a.) I don't agree with what she said. I believe there is a distinct difference between our God and the gods of other religions, Jesus Christ being the critical difference. If I believe Jesus is the only way to be saved (as the bible states) clearly any religion lacking Jesus' shed blood does not have the same god as we do.

b.) She went on to say that she knows her god(s) have heard her in times of need, she felt a presence and saw a difference. What can you credit to that? That it was who God heard her and in His compassion helped?

Clueless about Hinduism I held my tongue. As we approached our stop I simply told her that I believe what the Bible says about Jesus Christ being the only way the only truth and the only life. I told her to read the Word of God and that I would continue to pray that she finds her answers. I left it at that.

After getting off the bus and explaining the conversation we had to the members of my missions group, one of the members really balked at what we had been talking about, they were actually quite angry with me for not debating with her more. That, in my opinion, would've been a mistake. This woman was upset. She didn't need me to self-righteously debate theology with her. She needed a friend.

So many times we push theology unabashedly onto people who disagree and this leaves them offended and hurt. (I know I am guilty of this repeatedly) This doesn't show the love of Jesus Christ. We need to meet people where they're at. We need to put down our facade and admit that we're all in the same boat. I am reminded of the powerful Emery lyrics that talk exactly about this:

"It is all the same thing.

We are all the same people.

With sinning hearts that make us equal.

Here's my hand, not words said desperately.

It is not our job to make anyone believe."

That last line I want engraved on my eyelids. I don't care what race you are, what your sexuality is, what political party you align yourself with and what religion you claim (or lack thereof). We are all the same people. We are all sinners and we are all in need salvation. Now, I would like to state, to any agnostics or apathetic people out there: I am sorry. Sincerely, and utterly sorry for any way you have been put off by religion and 'christians' in general. I vow to do my best to reverse the damage and it starts right here. Its about love for people.