Something To Believe In

Wild Child

If I were a wildflower 

You would know precisely where I was.

You would walk to my exact location, 

bend down, and pluck me out of the ground.

You would examine me, 

declare that I am beautifully 

and wonderfully made,

place me in Your pocket and 

continue Your stroll. 

I would not question Your choice. 

I would not list my endless flaws, 

nor would I compare myself with 

the other flowers You have made.

 I would know that a wildflower is supposed 

to be unique and possess a distinctive beauty 

all their own.

But I am not a wildflower. 

I am a person. A woman. A girl.

I fail to recognize that it is 

You who has sought after me.

You, who has designed me and who delights in me.

You, who has picked me up, 

placed me in Your pocket 

and declared that I am Your's. 

He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me. 2 Samuel 22:20

The LORD delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love. Psalm 147:11

 l   Post title inspiration: "Something To Believe In" 

- The Ramones   l

Defy Explanation

"Whatever you are, be a good one." - Abraham Lincoln

I am: a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, an aunt(!), a sister in law, a daughter in law, an employee, a supervisor, a foodie, a barista, a writer. Daughter of a King.

I'm pretty much always on a path of learning who I am and what I wish to be. I guess it's called growth. The question has
been answered so many times: "to live is Christ, to die is gain" my identity is in Him. This said, I can't help but think on it some more. Why has God given me suchnsuch desires, how can I live without holding anything back?

One of my greatest goals in life has always been to be genuine. It grieves me so much to see people put on a facade for fear of being real. Somedays the 'real me' isn't very pretty, but how can we as the body of Christ step in to edify and uplift each other if we aren't honest with our failures? And isn't that the point of sanctification? To be purified more and more until eternity? My goal is to walk with the Lord so frequently, to stay in step with Him so much so that my transparency yields only fruit.

Until then however, I will remain honest with my shortcomings and I will embrace the characteristics that make me hold out for true integrity. This is where I gain strength: there is no such thing as being too vulnerable, for when we are weak His power is made perfect:

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

l   Post title inspiration: "Pure Imagination" - Willy Wonka   l

Small Seeds Gracefully Do Grow

For my beloved Gram. 

Still Your Mercy Remains

What is this I have become? 
Just a scared child who has run,
From the truth because freedom is frightening, it is
Easier to wallow in the mire than to learn something new.
What to do with hands that used to be bound?
Skin that has grown around shackles mourns when they go,
And so I continue returning to the evil I know.


The topic of conversation the other night revolved around what to do when people who have been set free continue to dredge up issues that the Lord has already delivered us from. We all do it. I do it almost everyday, over issues I know I have supposedly given to the Lord. Why is it that some issues are so easily forgotten, and then some, ones we have been 'delivered' from long ago stick around and have to be dealt with time and time again? I know, although I don't like to admit it, that the pain is comforting. In a weird, self-deprecating way I enjoy having the excuse, because I'm the only person in the whole entire world who has ever had issues. Right.

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. - C.S. Lewis

Light My Way

The other night the Lord gave me a neat word picture I would like to share: I was praying for a friend of mine, praying that the Lord would focus on her, shine His love upon her and directly connect with her heart, like a beam of light focusing from afar. The word “spotlight” came to mind and it perfectly describes what I meant; I couldn’t help but think on it a bit more.

      I.     Light gives heat, especially focused light, such as a spotlight. One of the best feelings in the world is to lay out in the sun and feel it’s warmth. That’s what it feels like to bask in the Lord’s love. It is freeing, releasing, comforting and peaceful. Satisfying and breathtaking. I want everyone to experience the joy this brings, and this is what I was originally praying about for my friend.

    II.     A spotlight is impossible to miss. I want the Lord to be real and powerful in my friend’s life in a way she has never known.

  III.     A spotlight gives distinct focus and direction. It is God-to-person. His love, focusing intently on a specific individual. 

 IV.      Light allows things to melt.  A dish of butter set in direct sunlight will begin to soften, just as a hardened heart begins to soften when the Lord’s love is fixed upon it.

   V.     Light brings sight. Some imperfections are difficult to see unless analyzed underneath a light. Sin goes unnoticed when we are walking in the darkness, but when the Lord shines His light, we are able to see. Even our smaller inconsistencies, like a bad attitude or unwise choices, are pointed out when we are put under the spotlight. Sometimes we need to pray that the Lord will shed light on these areas that we remain blind to.

I like when the Lord gives me a specific phrase to pray to Him because, frankly, it cuts out me having to find ways to explain it. It sounds lazy but since He knows our thoughts anyway it makes sense to me to have certain code words with Him so I can just cut to the chase. From now on I will see a person, or think of someone I want to pray for and simply be able to say “spotlight” and He will know what I mean: shine Your love into their life. I think I may even dedicate a “spotlight” page in the journal for a list of people to consistently pray for the Lord’s impact.

On a slightly similar note, lately I've been looking at modern lighting fixtures for the dining room in our soon-to-be new house. Is this not the most beautiful pendant light you  have ever seen in your life?

Is $200 too much to spend on a lighting fixture? Because I need it.

Losing Sleep

I sleep-wrote this the other night. I remember waking up around 3 and writing, but I don't recall what I wrote. I was cleaning out some files the other day and stumbled upon it. I like it.

Darkness Does Not Hide The Light

There is light, whilst the city sleeps

It hangs mid-air, suspended in the skies

Spoken words may echo in the silence

A vacant mind bares a good disguise

The Darkness cannot hide the Light

For though they are opposite they need one another to endure

Desolation does not disable Truth

For how do we know goodness without the impure?

Spirit, Take Me Up In Arms With You

That's my very favorite Switchfoot lyric, and, if you may not have noticed, all my blog titles---ever---are lyrics. This one so perfectly describes my relationship with the Lord right now.

Lately He has been showing me a lot about contentedness, and how to enjoy each minute. So many days I am in a rush to get through the day, week, month, season. I'm always looking into the future and thinking about what I'll do for God then. Over and over lately He has been showing me that bringing glory to His name is what I do here and now. Relevant Magazine featured an article this past month about God's will for our lives and how we get so caught up in the "What's God's will for my life?" question that we forget to live for Him in the present. Here's an excerpt:

It really makes me breath a deep, refreshing sigh of relief. 

"But godliness with contentment is great gain." 1st Tim 6:6

One of my all-time favorite books is Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper. I first read it about 6 years ago and it's one of those books that I can pick up again and again and find new relevance to. It seriously transformed the way I view Christianity. The Lord wants us to enjoy Him. What a gracious, generous God we serve, that we are encouraged to live life to the fullest by the means of diving deeper into His presence and the manifestation of His glory. When I consider this I am so content living a modest life doing meager things in order to saturate myself in Him. 

The other pivotal thing the book taught me was that almost everything we do can be an act of worship. From work to play to enjoying nature, to eating to physical relations with our spouse. Yes I went there. The Lord is the Creator of our senses and He is to be magnified when we appreciate them in the matter of which He has intended, exclamation point, exclamation point!

"The Lord is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." (DWYL)

A few moments that I enjoyed today: 

1.) A very delicious cup of soup in my new Caribou mug.

2.) The companionship of my husband and the way he looks at me with adoration I know I don't deserve. 

3.) The first day of near 60 degree weather!

4.) Quiet moments at night like this one.

5.) Finding the perfect gift for a friend and the anticipation of her reaction, even if I have to wait 4 months to give it to her.

6.) Going to work after a day off and feeling glad to be back and grateful that I missed it after just one day.

7.) Excitement over a dinner party tomorrow and spending time with friends over yummy food.

8.) Finally finding a few houses on the market in our price range that are structurally sound and move-in ready.

I hope that over the next few months I will be able to identify more and more the little victories each day that the Lord has gifted me with. I want to cultivate a grateful heart.

And Then Your Glory Came

Something wonderful happens when you pray lines of scripture. There are a few key phrases that I do consider ‘mine’ so to speak and I use them in daily conversation with the LORD, most of them are from my favorite chapters and the ones I am most familiar with (Psalm 73, Isaiah 43, Psalm 139, Romans 8). I definitely don't have all these memorized word for word, and in many cases I had to look up the reference. The point is merely to embrace a phrase and bless the LORD with it. This is probably the only area that I don’t mind when a verse is taken out of context, because it’s used only for the purpose of dialogue. I do so because a particular phrase really puts into words what I feel, but I can’t otherwise articulate. Somehow, praying phrases that people like David also prayed seems sort of magical and moves me. These are my favorites, some of them are intended to be myself, to the LORD and some of them are Him, to His People (i.e. Isaiah 43).

Whom have I in heaven but YOU?

And Earth has nothing I desire besides YOU.

My flesh and my heart may fail, 

But God is the strength of my heart 

and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:25-26)

*side note, I pray this verse almost daily as it has changed my life, I consider it to be my ‘life verse’*

The LORD is my strength and my song. (Ps 118:14) 

You are my hiding place and my shield. (Psalm 119:114)

            In Your presence there is fullness of joy. (Ps 16:11)

Oh taste and see that the LORD is good. (Ps 34:8)

But in all these things

we overwhelmingly conquer. (Rom 8:37)

You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Ps 139:13-14)

What is man that you thought of him? (Ps 8:4)

But You, Oh LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head. (Ps 3:3)

The LORD, He is the One who goes before You.

  He is with You, He will never leave you or forsake You. (Deu 31:8)

No temptation has overtaken you except which is common to man. (Cor 10:13)

…the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared to the GLORY THAT IS ABOUT TO BE REVEALED TO US. (Rom 8:18)

 Even the darkness is not dark to you. (Ps 130:12)    

Search me Oh God and know my heart. (Ps 139: 23)

Make Your ways known to me. (Ps 25:4)  For You I wait all day. (Ps 25:5)

The steps of a man are established by the LORD, and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, for the LORD is the One who holds his hand. (Ps 37:23-24)

When you walk through the waters I will be with you, when you walk through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When You walk through the fire you will not be burned for I am the LORD Your God. (Isaiah 43; paraphrased)

My Melancholy Baby

A new Haiku that I wrote, it sounds depressing, but it's actually supposed to be victorious.

Dark and Dreary

Angry And Bitter

Many Souls Dark and Dreary

Will Remain That Way

Few Rise To Vanquish

Some See The Silver Lining

And Go On To Love

Fly:Away

I have always loved to write, and poetry is usually the way my thoughts are best described. I have decided to start posting some of my favorites on here. This is something I wrote just a few days ago that explains the relationship I have with my Creator. Its kind of a cause and effect type of piece, the first being before and the latter is after.

Fly : Away

Fly

I dream of flying above the city skyline.

I want to see the sights above the traffic lights.

Sweep me off my feet.

I want to be where fear of man does not hold me back.

I will jump and not think twice.

There is no room for the faint of heart.

Take me where the sky and sea meet.

Reaching farther, grasping higher.

Reveal to me with brilliant clarity.

Transcendence is my desire.

Away

Shed the baggage, abandon the fright.

There is nothing to hide in the dead of night.

On the wings of The Most High

I see things more clearly.

Perplexed that in the Face of Glory

It is not shame that I feel, but love.

With no one but You to impress

All else fades to grey.

Remarkably calm in Your presence.

Everything changes when You take me away.